How To Expect The Unexpected
by Andrejia
Summary: Of all the possible and impossible scenarios, this version of me kissing Auggie Anderson somehow escaped my mind.


**A/N.** So there I was listening to 'Heave' while doing something else completely, when I heard a knock on the door. Being my usual extremely nice and polite self I groaned and ignored it, which only made it come back louder. Rolling my eyes, I opened the door and voilà! It was this little piece looking at me, standing on the doormat of my mind with big watery eyes, pleading in an annoying Oliver Twist voice: "Please, Miss, I want to be written." Mind you, this is the first time I've ever written 1st person POV and I have hugely mixed feelings.

Based on an interview with Piper where she said she expected the first Walkerson kiss to be in a more romantic setting & a book I recently read (Nicholas Taleb - The Black Swan). And I really hope this hasn't been done. Usual disclaimers apply.

* * *

This is not how I'd imagined I would kiss Auggie Anderson.

I wouldn't admit it even if I'd be taken prisoner and tortured by the Russian Intelligence, but I am one of those girls. I like to daydream about some perfect scenarios I know for a fact won't happen in real life. The funny thing is, I'm paid to think intensely about imperfect scenarios and imagine all the ways those could go wrong, but this has nothing to do with romance. It's my job to expect the unexpected

I know the highly unlikely has a much, much bigger impact on our lives than any of the scenarios I can come up with, which means I have to leave little to odds. In my gambling game, I have to know my exit strategy for each side of a die. I am prepared for the unexpected.

That is why the first time I kissed Auggie Anderson my knees called it quits after 32 years or faithful serving. That whole scenario was highly improbable.  
When I had realized I've fallen for him, I dedicated an entire boat ride - minus small interruptions coming from Danielle- to think of all the ways I could end up kissing him. One of which involved a very weird, yet passionate fight in the middle of the DPD after which he'd just take me right then and there. Hey, I know this is probably the least most probable scenario, but I have to cover that. I have to be prepared.

Yes, I went there. I'm allowed to have my moment of insanity and I'm fully trained so that they could question me all they want in poly but I'll never admit to have fantasized about this. Never again would I admit I have my girlie girl moments and daydream about kissing men. Ever since that 3rd grade incident with that little freckled boy whose name I'll never, ever forget. Marcus was shy and I was, well, being my usual self and I confessed to him that I really wanted to kiss him and grabbed him by his light green jacket trying to recreate a movie scene I remember my mother had been watching. But then he started crying like a little girl and I got sent to the principle's office for misbehavior. Fast forward some years later, I tried again my little gimmick on Auggie Anderson, in his own garage, mind you, on his own turf, but he managed to stop me this time before being sent to the principle's office, although the punishment had been far worse.

Yet the banality of the first time I kissed Auggie Anderson escaped my cluttered mind. The randomness was too unlikely, apparently, even less probable than declaring our mutual affection in front of our co-workers. It still baffles me how I had everything mentally covered from an Alien invasion to the Apocalypse, yet he managed to surprise me.

Maybe I hadn't come up with a more plausible narrative because that would've made me hopeful again. And having that hope would have been crushing.

Scratch that; I did have a hell lot of highly probable scenarios where I managed to get close enough to his lips to feel his warm breath upon mine and at the top of said list I could clearly see 'Paris' written in a font that resembles the Eiffel Tower. I had several, actually, scenarios where our first kiss, and everything that was bound to happen afterwards, took place in Paris.

However, things you don't expect to happen, things that catch you off guard, are much more delicious and emotionally charged, which is why the first time I kissed him I swear - I didn't hear bells ring - but time stopped.

By the time I had realized what 'the talk' was all about, when that realization dawned on me, I searched my mind in anticipation. I knew for sure I had many, many versions about the taste of his lips and the techniques as well. Compared to the reality, they all seemed silly. The impact of the highly improbable hit me hard and I wasn't ready for another blow.

I had always imagined him to be more rough. He's assertive, sure of himself, flirtatious and if he managed to map out the maze that is Langley, a woman's body – or lips, in this case, because I didn't dare to dream that far - holds no secrets for him. And he's a soldier. A real one, this isn't a cover. He's got the attitude and the body. Which is why I'd always though that the first time I'd kiss Auggie Anderson he would attack my mouth until I would surrender. Instead, he took the path less traveled again. I expected to be kissed by a former Greene Beret, but instead I got the IT guy. A 'Snow Crash' fanboy.

The first time I kissed my now ex-best friend, since we crossed that friendship line, he slowly cupped my face and instead of the passionate fury I expected, he brushed his lips against mine, just making his intentions known. That was also the first time I witnessed him second guessing himself as a man and I was taken aback by that because – you guessed it - it was highly improbable. His lips met mine for just two seconds and then he paused, just like that, waiting for my reaction. So in a corner of that brilliant mind of his, the possibility I'd push him away wasn't so highly unlikely.

I wanted to take the opportunity and tell him that this whole thing was so other-worldly, no matter how much field experience I'd gained so far, there was no way I could see it coming, but I was afraid the wrong message would get through.

Because although it was inconceivable that Auggie Anderson would be kissing me like this for the first time, it was the only way that made sense. There wasn't another place I'd rather be or another person I would rather be with. The randomness of it all made all my fantasies fade into that place, that place that should hold its own special circle of hell, where all the insipid tales go.

And I knew this version of our first kiss was real because lying here next to him, watching as he slowly drifts to sleep, I realize it left no room for thoughts, just feelings.


End file.
